“Hurry up, Mommy. You’re gonna miss it!”

I’m sure every mom has gone through this but I think we single moms really feel like time is flying by when we have to share our children with an ex. Morgan said this to me the other day and she has no clue yet exactly what I felt when she said it but I couldn’t stop crying. In typical Aries fashion, this is the middle of the story. Let me start from the beginning….

We were watching Toy Story 3. I hadn’t gotten to see it when it came out in theaters but I think Morgan did. She saw it at some point because she knew what was going to happen in the movie. She kept saying stuff like, “Watch it, mommy, this part is funny” and “Here it comes, you’re gonna love this part.” Mind you, she’s 8.

Now I had already teared up at the beginning of the movie when Andy was packing up for college because even though she’s only 8, I know that in another 8 years, Morgan will be packing up for college and it was bittersweet to say the least.

At one point close to the end of the movie, I got up to get something in the kitchen. I think she wanted more water or something. I don’t know why I didn’t just pause the movie til I got back but I just let it play. I still don’t know what I missed as I haven’t had time to put the DVD back in and watch it all the way through. But from the living room came the line that brought me to tears in the kitchen. “Hurry up, Mommy. You’re gonna miss it!” I knew she was talking about some part in the movie that she wanted me to see. I knew that. But in my heart all I knew was that I feel like I’m missing half of her life and I have no way to hurry up to catch what I miss.

I do as much as I can to make memories for the two of us. We go to the art museum. We play at the park. We go roller skating. I’m trying to teach her how to sew and knit and quilt but she doesn’t have the patience for that yet. We color and play computer games. We read and go to the library. We make all kinds of paintings and art projects. But I still feel like it’s not enough. I know she has fun but it’s no substitute for the fact that I want her here all the time. She wants to be here all the time. And unless her father screws up and I have to take him back to court again, we don’t have a chance in hell of getting the parenting times changed until Morgan is in her teens.

So for at least the next 5 years, I get to keep missing half my daughter’s life. Not fun.

Someone should have warned me about Toy Story 3.

Court, Part 2

I was supposed to go back to court yesterday. That didn’t happen. The ex’s lawyer had a scheduling conflict and requested a continuance. The new court date is January 3, 2012. A new year and a new countdown. 25 more days!

Back to court

There’s a back story for this to make sense. For anyone who hasn’t gone through a divorce, it’s long and messy and waaaayyy more drawn out than the lawyers let on. I had to go to the courthouse four times for the divorce. The last time was the actual appearance before the judge when the paperwork went in the record and I was officially divorced. Part of the proceedings involved deciding which one of us would carry health insurance on Morgan, my daughter. I have never had a job with health benefits and the job I had at the time of the divorce was no different. The ex had health insurance available and had had Morgan (and me lol) on his plan for years. This was late January of 2009.

Before I signed the paperwork in early February, I questioned my lawyer about the cash medical support payments it said I was responsible for because it had not been discussed previously. To me, it was thrown into the mix and was not something I was expecting. I was told it was standard and I had to sign the paperwork as it was just because I had to. There wasn’t any way to change it. So I signed. (Cash medical is only paid if the parent responsible for supplying health insurance cannot for any reason continue to carry health insurance.)

In April of 2009, I was laid off. (I exhausted my unemployment benefits. I never was rehired. I didn’t get another job until late November 2009 and it was part-time at that.) In July, I started receiving letters from Child Support that I owed that cash medical amount now because the ex had dropped health insurance on Morgan. First I called the ex. I asked if he had quit or gotten fired/laid off or had just randomly dropped Morgan off his insurance. I didn’t really think it was the last because I know you can’t make any changes unless it’s open enrollment, which wouldn’t have been until October/November. I was always the one who filled out the paperwork. I knew this.

The sob story I heard was his employer had switched insurance carriers in the middle of the year and the new carrier required a signed form verifying dependents, and for whatever reason, he did not get this form and was trying to get the form and even if he didn’t, he would be able to add her back on at open enrollment. He has continued to be covered. As an employee, his health insurance is part of his benefit package. Unless he proves he has other coverage, he has to have the insurance offered by the company.

After I called the ex and got the sob story, I called Child Support and began what has turned into 2 year and almost 4 month battle to get insurance back on Morgan. I’ve called Child Support every 3 or 4 months to have them request proof of insurance from him and/or his employer, and they have ignored every request. Child Support has even directly called his employer and been ignored.

There was even a small window this summer when he had a life change (remarried to a total bitch witch) and could have added Morgan on then (along with the bitch witch and her two offspring). You have 30 days after a life change to add or delete dependents. Did he do it? Nope!

So back to court we go. On December 8, 2011, he will have to appear before a judge and explain why there is no health insurance on Morgan when it is clearly part of the shared parenting decree that he signed and agreed to follow. There are a few other issues that will also be addressed, but that is the big one. I have paid over $2,000 in the past two years for nothing. Morgan has no health insurance. I can’t say that enough apparently. Morgan has no health insurance.

This is one time when I miss the cool stuff you could add to your page on MySpace. I want a countdown timer on my Facebook page and I don’t think it’ll work lol. But it’s 34 days, not counting today or the 8th. After almost 2 and 1/2 years, 34 days is cake.